Big doings up in Panthy’s. For one, Panthy’s face has nearly completely blown off. If I had money on it, I’d say it’s probably the first sign of the impending apocalypse. Or maybe the second after my DVR freezing constantly during America’s Funniest Home Videos. PS, the medication seems to be working.
Things are growing like crazy, to the point my wife asked me to dismantle my “fortress of tomato plants” to make room for some dinner guests. You hear that folks?! I have a motherlovin’ Fortress of Tomato Plants!
I took a deep breath and went away for the weekend, hoping the Great Wall of Chinese Water Torture would hold up and keep all my fellas watered. I got back and gladly nothing was dead. It was just severely over-watered.
I looked at the controls and somehow managed to set the frequency to 8 times a day at 20 minute intervals. Which is like 2 hours of continuous watering a day. For some plants it was great. Like a bunch of cats who can’t stop eating Bonkers, some plants just kept on shoveling it in. A few hit miraculous weekend growth spurts, drinking their goddamn asses off, sprouting off flowers and sending up chutes that they could barely support.
Things in the planter generally did the best; might be because those ten million drainage holes I drilled way back in the spring. But my main squeeze plants, the all-important food-producing jammies were my primary concern.
They did okay for the most part, though some of my heirloom tomatoes got the dreaded curled leaves. It was a little too much like that tomato plant I cut down and threw in the garbage, er, I mean that got abducted. I have him in intensive care, carefully poking his soil to check moisture, generally fawning over it and moving it around the deck for optimal sunshine.
I’m sure this is one of those things I’ll recall when the tomatoes are ready to be picked. I’ll look at how disfigured and strange they look and say in a cranky old man voice “Oh yeah… that was that big Chinese flood of 2010 that caused this.” All in all, I think they’ll be okay. Super Snow Whites, small white(ish) cherry tomatoes are coming through and a few marvel stripes are in progress.
I did discover a gigantic beast of a cuke that seemed to appear out of thin air. It’s fucking massive.
To illustrate my point, if it were a Snickers bar, it’d be a fucking huge Snickers bar.
There were also other cukes, four to be exact, that seemed to arrive overnight. Call the folks over at Miracle Grow, tell em their potting mix is working cucumber miracles over at Panthy’s.
Here’s the number, I’ll wait while you do: 1-888-270-3714.
My pepper plants, one jalapeno and two Purple Beauty Bells, have also come around. The Purple Beauties are hatching upside down! And they’re not purple, yet. Life is full of surprises. Zzzzzz.
As expected I found the remnants of a tomato that a bird had pecked off. Looks like it was only one cherry tomato, a mere chink in the armor of my Tomato Fortress. And… it seems that the same bird took a crap on my neighbors annoying satellite dish, so we’re gonna call that one even. That said, St. Francis and Panthy better pull it together and start scaring these birds away.
With the weekend water orgy now a distant memory, I’m scheming on some new unnecessary garden projects for this weekend. I’m sure they’ll involve some cutting of things, some hanging of stuff and the movement of dirt and PBN. I’ve hooked up some speakers, mostly for people, but also, to serenade my plants with some Eric B and Rakim. Oddly shaped or not, on a diet of that kind of music, these are gonna be some goddamn flavorful veggies.