Growing in the city is not about having space to grow, it’s about growing in the space you have. If you live anywhere that’s even barely exposed to sunshine, you can grow something. Hell, if you live in a dank, subterranean, converted closet of an apartment and have electricity, you can grow something. Look, I’m not going to tell you again. DON’T MAKE ME PULL THIS CAR OVER.

Lucky for you my pals send me little tidbits that could be of use to the urban farmer who’s short on space. Here are a few to feast your eyes on.

Futuristic Chicken Coop
In this case the egg comes first, then the chicken you stuff inside it. This looks pretty awesome but it doesn’t look like you could fit that many chickens in it. Maybe buy ten of them? (Which would look pretty cool). I dunno, you do the math. I’ve already figured out I can’t have chickens. (Or bees.)

Shipping Palette Garden
I tried to grab a huge stack of palettes from the loading dock of West Elm last fall. They denied me, telling me that they use them “for displays.” Turns out, they totally do. But only in New York would people be fighting over a stack of wooden garbage, one to make artistic furniture displays, the other to use in his rooftop garden. Pffft.

If you are fortunate enough to grab some unwanted palettes, they make some pretty cool vertical gardens. (Stay away from pressure treated palettes). Check out this lovely how-to article over at Life on the Balcony.

Once you pry out the rusty screws you can also make some pretty awesome lounges like these, assuming you’ve had your tetanus shots and you have the patience to make these so they don’t collapse underneath you.

And lastly, there’s the Mini Farm Box, a small raised bed that comes equipped with all the bits you’ll need to grow some food. I think with some ingenuity, hell maybe even some shipping palettes, you could do this on the cheap. And I think sub-irrigating them as opposed to using drip irrigation is probably the best approach.

Good news is, there’s a lot of options out there and it’s the perfect time to get down to business. I will happily accept, taste and review the pretentious, homegrown, urban vegetables you grow all summer. Thanks in advance.

Despite howling winds of well over 20 knots, I had first full day of real deal gardening in months. My clothes smelled like sweat and dirt, I had a mild sunburn and the pleasant relaxed feeling of “I did a lot of work” and “I drank three beers.”

Among my achievements was the construction of a salad tote. As you may have guessed, its lovely dark soil hides very advanced sub-irrigation technology built on a foundation of takeout food containers. This may be the last time you see the underlying structure of this beauty so drink it in.

1. Fancy eggs x 2
2. Bueno Vista Chicken with Rice and Beans x 2
3. Spring Rolls
4. Side of red onions

I covered the containers with potting mix, sprinkled in some of my Magic Panthy’s Dust (a.k.a. compost) watered it in and then tucked in some seeds. The outer ring is spinach, the middle ring is tom thumb lettuce and the center is large oriental mustard. I don’t know why I was surprised that the mustard seeds looked like… mustard seeds. All I have to do now is let the tote hang out in the gloom until some life bursts forth, or until a late season freeze chokes it out.

The rest of the work I did was the kind of stuff that if you read a full article about you might slip into a coma. There was rescuing of plants, re-potting of shrubs and of course the careful positioning of containers for maximum visual appeal.

Each of these guys got a top dressing of fresh potting mix, some Magic Panthy’s Dust and some of that lovely smelling cedar mulch. Get a load of these guys! What is this a handsome contest?!

My pal Adam is building a boat. A motherlovin’ all-wood classic, not unlike this golden beauty:

Who builds boats in New York City? Nobody. That’s why he lives in Maine. Before he fabricates this masterpiece he’s making a tiny version of it to get the lay of the land and familiarize himself with the nooks and crannies. It’s looking sweet. Check it:

Before building 20 full-sized sub-irrigated planters, I took a cue from Adam and built my first one in miniature. Honestly, I didn’t really need to, they’re pretty simple, but you know the old saying: “Build small and you don’t have to measure twice.”

This gift box came filled with some weird sweet nuts and liquer flavored candy that we promptly threw in the trash. It’s the thought that counts, not the nuts.

It needed some visual flavor and really nothing says visual flavor like 345 coats of high gloss orange paint. The pint of paint was only 20 bucks. (Yet another good reason to live in Maine.)

I lined the inside with a plastic trash bag, and created the water reservoir with overturned plastic food containers, poking holes in them with kitchen knives too nice for that purpose. They worked beautifully.

I created a “weeping” hole by drilling a hole in the side and using a cannibalized pen (bottom left). Half an old water bottle was used for the water intake tube (upper right). Sounds fancy but it’s just a tube that you water the planter with.

Harnessing the raw power of Thai food leftovers, old salad, meat scraps and various other organic remnants from my kitchen, I cut in a bit of my brand-new compost with the potting mix and loaded up the orange box.

The gaps between the food containers will allow the potting soil to have contact with the water in the reservoir. The idea here is that plants will wick up only the water they need and leave the rest in the reservoir. The weeping hole prevents dufusses like me from over-watering. After wetting the soil mix, I filled the planter until, you guessed it, water came streaming out of the weeping hole.  

I sowed the planter with spinach and appropriately miniature Tom Thumb lettuce and tucked it away in my little seedling lab until the weather warms up.

One of these days, you’ll be reading about the tiny salad I’m eating and notice that you’re using your own weeping holes, sadly wondering why you wound up reading a blog about a guy eating a salad. Maybe I’ll send you a gift box to cheer you up, you like sweet nuts and crappy chocolates?

Read more about D.I.Y. sub-irrigation

Some say that Londoners have the most refined urban gardens. Others would argue that the Japanese have long been the masters of beautiful, compact oases. But really, who are we kidding when we don’t consider Brooklyn at the top of this list, and in particular, this container setup outside a Brooklyn Heights car service business.

The reused toilet demonstrates environmental awareness. Brown paint over porcelain says… “I’ll make this whatever color I want but something poop/dirt themed would be best.” And of course putting this in front of your business says “We’re great, try us!” Nice try rest of the world, we got this.